As obvious by the (super long) title, us girls who consistently beat our faces are exposed to a unique realm of problems not understood by the masses.
1: First of all, we have to wear a full face of makeup.
This is a problem that many women who wear makeup experience. If you wear too much makeup you get the side eye all day and if you don’t wear enough makeup people think you’re dying of swine flu. It’s almost like you have to wear enough to maintain your flawless reputation. And if you’re going to go through the trouble of highlighting and winged liner you may as well turn yourself into Kim Kardashian anyway.
2: You have to take really good care of your skin.
If you don’t steam like, once a week and wash at least three times to make sure all the makeup residue is out of your pores then what happens? A gigantic evil pimple pops up in a very obvious place and then you have to layer on more makeup to hide it and then that clogs your skin worse giving you more pimples and eventually it gets so bad that you have a classic Squidward freak out.
3: You blow more (almost too much) money on makeup/supplies.
Due to the fact that you’re always beat for the gawds (can I get a YAAZZZZ?) you have to use more of everything and all your brushes/sponges get damaged a little sooner. So that $40 you want to use to go out to dinner with your girlfriends? Forget it. You need a new contour palette.
4: The elements are not your friend.
Wind basically tries to silence you with your own hair by repeatedly sticking it to your lipgloss. Rain? Think the Wicked Witch, “I’m MELLLLLTINNNNG!” Sun or heat? Try grease monkey sweating off an hour of hard work and NARS Luminous Weightless Foundation. Really makeup is made for people with skin made of steel who spend at least 93% of their time inside with air conditioning.
5: You have yet to master your traveling makeup arsenal.
You’re going out of town and you want to look amazeballs but you don’t want to check bags and you don’t want to risk losing/breaking your most precious makeup items, so what ends up happening? Either you go without it and look mediocre the whole time or you take it and that LBD in your luggage becomes an L-Stained-D instead. Third option is you buy some of the things you need when you get there (if you can) but then you aren’t there long enough to use it so it goes to waste. You can return almost anything to Sephora as long as at least 50-70% of the product is intact. #justsaying
6: You still haven’t gotten used to what you look like without makeup on.
Even though you don’t wear a complete full face of makeup every second all the time you are so used to looking at yourself made up that seeing yourself bare is like looking at a naked mole rat. But a really cute one.
7: Time Management.
You have to get ready significantly earlier than everyone else. Rome wasn’t built in a day. I don’t know how people expect that kind of perfection in 15 minutes. #asif
8: You have to go somewhere.
This is my #1 problem. I get up and don’t really have anywhere to go but I end up getting dressed and putting on makeup so I have to go somewhere. But if I don’t go enough places or do enough things I end up taking a million selfies because I can’t let this great makeup application go to waste.
9: People don’t know.
On the rare event that you are seen without makeup by strangers they have no idea what magic you are capable of. Wingardium Levi-fuckin-osa bitches–I’m fabulous.
When you get caught staring at a person they think you are being rude but really you are just trying to guess what shade of MAC lipstick they’re wearing. Chill. Out. People.
11: More Haters
People judge you and think that just because you love wearing makeup that you don’t love yourself. Do women who wear high heels love themselves? What about if they wear hair extensions or a certain perfume? All of these material things don’t detract from how much someone might love themselves. Its an expression of what people love in material form. If that makes others uncomfortable then #sorrynotsorry but please just get a life. Also, watch NikkieTutorials The Power of Makeup video on YouTube.